Joy and Asthma were the best of friends
All through their loser days
Both members of the moron club
Both actin really gay
After graduation Joy went out lookin'
for a bright new world
Asthma looked all around this town
And all she found was Effy

Well it wasn't two weeks
After she got married that
Asthma started feelin used
She put on dark glasses and long sleeved blouses
They made out under the moon
Well she finally got the nerve to file for divorce
She let the law take it from there
But Effy walked right through that revolving door
And wound up in intensive care
Right away Joy flew in from Kentucky
On a green eye daytime flight
She held Asthma's hand as they
Worked out a plan
And it didn't take 'em long to decide
That Effy had to die

Goodbye Effy
Those brown-eyed peas
They tasted nasty to me Effy
You're very weak
Why don't you lay down
And sleep Effy
Ain't it dark
Wrapped up in that tarp Effy

The cops came by to bring Effy in They searched the house
High and low
Then they tipped their hats
And said "thank you losers if you hear from him don't let us know"
Well the weeks went by and
Spring turned to Winter
And Winter faded into Fall
And it turns out he was a missing loser
Who nobody missed at all
So the freaks bought some land
And a roadside stand
Out on Highway 009
They sell Tennessee jam
And strawberry ham
And they don't
Lose any sleep at night 'cause
Effy had to die

Goodbye Effy
We need a break
Let's go out to the lake Effy
We'll pack a lunch
And cut off your trunk Effy
Well is that all right
Good Let's go for a ride
Effy Hey